The fastest 9 months of my life have just whooshed by in a haze of excitement, worry, and the chaos that comes with a busy household with Tiggy and her older brothers who are all themselves very young.
Life has been so busy that my pregnancy seems to have come and gone and I’m so pleased that I was able to capture as much as I could have with “my bumps and blooms” series so that whilst I feel like I missed so much of being pregnant, I can look back at the photographs with the fondest of memories, as whilst the days busy and seemingly short, the evenings were the times that I sat still and revelled in the fact that inside me was a tiny little one growing getting ready to meet her family, such precious moments.
If you’ve followed our journey on this blog, the “my bumps and blooms” series or Instagram then you’ll know that I was classed as “high risk” during my pregnancy due to the risk of haemorrhage so my birth was a “managed birth”. I went into hospital on the morning of Thursday 19th October and once settled and due to the risks involved it wasn’t recommended that I have a medical induction with medication given via “a drip” so we started with a pessary oddly enough called a “tea bag”, the theory being if things weren’t going well it could be easily removed and we’d try something else. Thankfully there were no adverse reactions or complications and it remained in place for 24 hours with very little happening other than some discomfort.
Friday I was given a “rest day” as they were concerned that pushing things along too quickly could increase any risks but Friday was horrendous! There’s no other word for it, the contractions were coming thick and fast and incredibly strong all day. We, both midwives and I, thought on several occasions throughout the day that little Pip would be born right there on the ward, thankfully only a ward of 4 beds and just one other lady present whom I am now proud to call a very lovely friend. We spoke for hours on end and she really was such great company and a very welcome distraction to what was happening to me. She saw me at my best and my absolute worst and the sights and sounds we shared will no doubt be the basis of a strong friendship forevermore.
Friday continued in much the same vane with my poor husband being called in to the hospital on several occasions only to be told to go home as clearly nothing was progressing despite the intense contractions and immense pain. Saturday morning I was given several options as to how I wanted to proceed, another “tea bag”, a gel version of the same which works in just 6 hours not 24, and being unable to decide how best to proceed as I was keen to avoid at all costs an emergency caesarean should the worst happen and I ruptured and haemorrhaged, my consultant suggested a sweep as a starting point and we’d go from there. He brought with him a midwife and a canister of gas and air and told me he was “brutal” and to start puffing on the gas and air for a few minutes before he began and I can only say that he wasn’t wrong in the way in which he described himself. He got me to 3cm and told me that if I didn’t go into labour within 3 hours he’d take me up to the labour ward and break my waters. (I did mention the lady in the room who’s now my friend, I think both her, the other side of the curtain, and the midwife were more traumatised than me!).
Hours went by and nothing, my body was doing everything it should be doing but I wasn’t progressing. We waited for an available room on the labour ward and up I went with my husband thankfully now by my side where we were welcomed in by such fabulous staff, just as there had been in the antenatal ward. They prepared drips of everything I’d need should the worst happen, cross matched my blood and had that all ready, and I was in the room next to the theatre just in case. I was shaking like a leaf absolutely terrified as to how this was going to unfold and whether our baby would arrive safely and whether I’d get to meet her should things go wrong.
With my mind racing and my entire body shaking they passed me the gas and air once again so that they could break my waters as my cervix wasn’t in the best position which is why I’d not been progressing and then the contractions came thick and fast once more. I was insisting the gas and air must be broken as the pain was just terrible and at one point I laughed at my husband as could hear the conversation he was having with the midwife about the baby’s middle names which we still can’t agree on, and he commented that the gas and air was clearly working for me to be laughing at what he was saying. He was of course right but the labour was fast and intense and within 20 minutes of pushing, at exactly 1am on Sunday 22nd October little Pip arrived, safe and sound.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt a sense of relief like it. Almost disbelief. I cried, my husband cried, she was here, safe in my arms and there was no need for all the things that had been put in place as I didn’t rupture or haemorrhage and we sat there just the three of us in the delivery room for the next two hours looking at our little Pip, feeding her, skin to skin and in awe of the little person in front of us.
Just after 3am I was taken to another ward where I was in a room by myself. My husband settled little Pip into the crib next to my bed, kissed us both goodnight and headed home so that he’d be home ready for when Tiggy and our sons woke in the morning so that he could tell them that mummy and Pip were both ok.
I on the other hand sat until 11am, 8 hours just crying with pure happiness looking at little Pip safe, sound and fast asleep next to me. My husband brought Tiggy and our boys in to meet Pip just after lunchtime as visiting with little ones was restricted to visiting hours and the look of pure adoration they all had for Pip was so wonderful to see.
We had to wait to be seen by a Paediatrician before we left and the drive home I’m afraid I cried most of the way just overwhelmed by it all and utterly relieved. Pregnancy and birth after baby loss is the most wonderful yet most worrying and emotional time I have ever experienced. Maybe one day I’ll open up about it but at the moment I still struggle with it and am still trying to deal with it.
Being the end of October and with bonfire night ahead of us in just days time we wanted to have a little get together with friends mainly so that Tiggy and her brothers would have some fun and enjoy some fireworks and so we decided to team the occasion with a little celebration to welcome our little Pip into the world.
There aren’t too many pictures of the night and those that we have are mostly blurry as it was a very cold and pitch black in our paddock where my husband and boys had built a bonfire, but I did make a rather lovely cake and if you do follow us on Instagram and saw the stories on this day, you’ll know that the cake was made on the day of the gathering and decorated about 30 minutes before everyone arrived! But it was a success, a lovely evening and the cake edible and the gorgeous cake topper says it all xoxo.